A theory.

I have this theory about dorks. I’ve always accepted my dorky side. I actually like school (enough to spend 6 years in higher education). I scrapbook. I was a DECA dork in high school. I watch the Disney Channel of my own free will on occasion. I work at a company where we could debate a hyphen for at least an hour—and I’m not even kidding. Like I said, dork.

But it’s not that simple. I didn’t get beaten up in school. I never wore glasses. I even played sports and was in Student Body. I love going to see live music. I know how to party. I plan on skydiving this year. Not just a dork.

So here comes my theory. There is a dork-edge continuum. People can fall anywhere in the spectrum between DORK and EDGE. For example, I’d say the people I work with all have a certain level of edge, none of us would fall under the just plain “dork” category. Yeah, we debate hyphens and geek out about the Chicago Manual of Style (DORK). But we also go to bars in the middle of the day to watch basketball. And our company events are known to have Jello shots and free-flowing champagne (EDGE).

So what are you? A dork with a little bit of edge? Or are you edge with just a touch of dork? Maybe you’re all edge and you’re wondering what the hell a hyphen is. Take the poll to the left. Spread the theory around. Maybe one day I’ll write a book about it and teach academics all about my profound theory about dorks and edge, or edgy dorks depending how you look at it.

Find your edge

People constantly say that they want to be more hip. And when someone discovers something that classifies them as “hip” it makes their day and gives them bragging rights. I like to call this “edge.” Others might describe it as “cool” or “gangsta”—no matter the description, people strive for this edgy status.

How to get your edge:
Step one in making yourself appear edgy is to alter your language. Don’t go overboard, steer away from phrases like “jiggy.” Small simple changes will give you that subtle edge you desire. And it’s easy! Just mix up the endings of your words.

There are several ways of doing this:
1. Take off the ending of the word.
Instead of saying “That’s hilarious.” Say “That’s hilar.”

Instead of saying “My favorite song is Senorita.” Say “My fave song is Senorita.”

Instead of saying “I was busting up.” Say “I was bustin’ up.”

Be careful though, I’ve heard people say “ridic” instead of ridiculous, and this just doesn’t sound right…probably giving you negative edge points!

2. Alter the ending of the word:
My fave example is saying “preggo” or “preggars” instead of pregnant.
Other options:
Add “ster” to the end of a word.

“That guy was such a creepster.” Or “That guy was such a clingster!”

Add “ilicious” to the end of a word. “That’s nerdilicious.”

3)And if you’re ever in doubt of what to say, just bust out “Ohhhh, snap!”