Is it November 4th yet?

I get these email newsletters from Aaron Karo, a comedian. They are pretty entertaining. Here's an excerpt (and I apologize for the foul language...it’s not me talking!):

“We are in the midst of one of the most divisive elections in history. Democrats hate Republicans. Conservatives hate liberals. Everyone hates the debate moderators. But there is really one group that we can blame for all the negativity and vitriol that has enveloped this campaign: “undecided” voters. Obama and McCain don’t care about those of us who have already made up our minds, and with good reason. All their speeches and ads are now targeted to those people who claim, that after a year-and-a-half-long media blitz, they still don’t have enough information to make a decision. I don’t call these people “undecided” – I call them fucking idiots. Forget about hockey moms and Reagan democrats; what the candidates are really courting… is the moron vote.”

Now I won’t call undecided voters morons as Karo did, but I seriously do wonder how people can still be undecided. At this point, what in the world are they going to make their decision based on? We’ve heard all there is to hear, make up your mind already!!

And another excerpt that just cracks me up:

“Think about how old your dad is. Now think about how many years you’d have to add for him to be 72. Now think of your dad at 72. Now think about your dad at 72 running for president. Even if you love your dad as much as I do mine, your conclusion will invariably be the same: no fucking way.”

Become a rap (or pop or rock or country) star!

What is your rap star name?

Make sure you check male/female to get the right gender name. And try out pop, rock and country names too!

My rap star name: LADY SIN

Bite your tongue

I was showing off my beautiful ring at the hair salon earlier this week and started talking about all the ugly rings that are out there. (Matt and I saw the official worst-ever engagement ring. It was hideous. It was thick, black and reminded me of a crow...not a good thing for an engagement ring in my opinion.)

But I guess, to each their own, right? ...I still kind of wish they just wouldn't produce ugly jewelry. Like heart-shaped diamonds. I'm just against them. I almost shared my disgust for heart-shaped stones to the two girls at the jewelry store but decided I better not...just in case one of them loved hearts. Good thing I did. The next thing the one girl said was that she and her boyfriend designed her engagement ring themselves with a heart-shaped star sapphire. Ew. She doesn't have the ring yet so I couldn't see in person how ugly it is, but I'm guessing it’s bad (not as bad as the crow ring, but bad).

*Vote on heart-shaped rings in the poll to the right*

A theory.

I have this theory about dorks. I’ve always accepted my dorky side. I actually like school (enough to spend 6 years in higher education). I scrapbook. I was a DECA dork in high school. I watch the Disney Channel of my own free will on occasion. I work at a company where we could debate a hyphen for at least an hour—and I’m not even kidding. Like I said, dork.

But it’s not that simple. I didn’t get beaten up in school. I never wore glasses. I even played sports and was in Student Body. I love going to see live music. I know how to party. I plan on skydiving this year. Not just a dork.

So here comes my theory. There is a dork-edge continuum. People can fall anywhere in the spectrum between DORK and EDGE. For example, I’d say the people I work with all have a certain level of edge, none of us would fall under the just plain “dork” category. Yeah, we debate hyphens and geek out about the Chicago Manual of Style (DORK). But we also go to bars in the middle of the day to watch basketball. And our company events are known to have Jello shots and free-flowing champagne (EDGE).

So what are you? A dork with a little bit of edge? Or are you edge with just a touch of dork? Maybe you’re all edge and you’re wondering what the hell a hyphen is. Take the poll to the left. Spread the theory around. Maybe one day I’ll write a book about it and teach academics all about my profound theory about dorks and edge, or edgy dorks depending how you look at it.

Find your edge

People constantly say that they want to be more hip. And when someone discovers something that classifies them as “hip” it makes their day and gives them bragging rights. I like to call this “edge.” Others might describe it as “cool” or “gangsta”—no matter the description, people strive for this edgy status.

How to get your edge:
Step one in making yourself appear edgy is to alter your language. Don’t go overboard, steer away from phrases like “jiggy.” Small simple changes will give you that subtle edge you desire. And it’s easy! Just mix up the endings of your words.

There are several ways of doing this:
1. Take off the ending of the word.
Instead of saying “That’s hilarious.” Say “That’s hilar.”

Instead of saying “My favorite song is Senorita.” Say “My fave song is Senorita.”

Instead of saying “I was busting up.” Say “I was bustin’ up.”

Be careful though, I’ve heard people say “ridic” instead of ridiculous, and this just doesn’t sound right…probably giving you negative edge points!

2. Alter the ending of the word:
My fave example is saying “preggo” or “preggars” instead of pregnant.
Other options:
Add “ster” to the end of a word.

“That guy was such a creepster.” Or “That guy was such a clingster!”

Add “ilicious” to the end of a word. “That’s nerdilicious.”

3)And if you’re ever in doubt of what to say, just bust out “Ohhhh, snap!”